Sunday Scaries! Five top tips to beat them

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Why do you get the Sunday Scaries, that horrible feeling of dread which can kick off as soon as you wake, or more usually makes its unpleasant presence felt mid-afternoon or early evening? 

​Perhaps you’ve been looking forward to the weekend since 8am last Monday, have had a jolly time of it since Friday night and the thought of returning to work seems just too much. Perhaps there’s something looming on the horizon that you’ve managed to ignore since Friday but is creeping back into your mind. Perhaps you’ve been so overwhelmed during the week you’ve spent all weekend trying to empty your inbox and don’t feel like you’ve had a break at all. Or perhaps you intended to tackle an enormous to-do list but ended up bingeing a Four in a Bed omnibus in your PJs demolishing a packet of Hobnobs, and now you feel guilty that Monday’s just around the corner again and you haven’t had fun OR done anything useful.

Whatever your reason for the Sunday Scaries, they can really impact your precious free time. Here are my five top tips to tackle them:

1.           Have a good look at them
Sometimes the Scaries are so routine and familiar we autopilot to that state  like clockwork without really wondering why. We can also try to stuff them back down again – which doesn’t really work, as anxiety doesn’t respond well to being told to get a grip, however firmly. Instead, accept that you’re feeling the Scaries and give yourself time to gain perspective on them. See my article, Blob Busting, for reasons why the different worries in your life can start clogging together and seeming unmanageable. I also highly recommend a mindfulness practice called RAIN:

R = recognise you’re feeling this way
A = allow the experience to be there as it is
I = give it some intimate, non-judgemental attention ie how exactly does it feel and where
N = non-identifying with the Scaries – seeing them as a passing cloud in a much bigger sky.

RAIN practice can be a powerful tool to help you step back from an anxious reaction and regain control. You can find a guided RAIN meditation with Tara Brach HERE.

2.           Shake up your routine
As you’re giving the Scaries some attention, you may notice that they kick off at a certain point each week. Thing is, our anxious brain is a terrific pattern-matcher – it saves precious time in dangerous situations – so anything that reminds us of feeling the Scaries from previous weeks is likely to give us the same reaction. See my article Your Brain on Stress to see why our anxious brain can confuse modern-day stresses with life-threatening danger, and then react unhelpfully with the Scaries. In Hypnotherapy we use a technique called anchoring to help clients to get into trance easily – sessions take a routine form, I say the same things going into and out of trance, the room always smells the same, the music is always the same – this way the brain ‘pattern matches’ those stimuli with a state of calm and ease, of ‘switching off’ – in time these anchors enable clients to go deeper, faster. If you have stimuli anchoring you into the Scaries, swap them out! If you’re used to going to the pub for a roast lunch for example, the smells, tastes and sounds might remind you that as soon as you get back, you’ll get the Scaries – so go somewhere new, eat at a different time, make it more difficult for your brain to pattern match. If you enjoy a Sunday afternoon stroll but feel the dread start as you put the key in the door on your return, try a different activity, a different route, or do it at a different time of the week. What about the weekly phone call to a relative, that tells you routine is returning? Can you surprise them by ringing on another day?

3.           Reframe them
Sometimes we can reframe our negative interpretation of the Scaries to something more helpful. At the moment, for example, I’m getting a regular dose of them on Sundays because I’m learning a new skill that I have to demonstrate in front of a bunch of people on Mondays. I spend all week practicing this new skill calmly, increasing my competence, but come prime Scaries time of around 4pm that tiresome dread begins to stir again, and gets in the way of me performing at my best the next day. So, in true solution-focused style, I’m reframing that anxiety as excitement and a commitment to the training – I remind myself that I’ve opted into this process, and that in time these new skills will become an unconscious ability if I keep at it! It’s also given me the insight and motivation to write this article. What can you reframe?

4.           Listen to their message
If your first reaction to the Scaries is to deny or repress them, you may be missing out on some important messages from your unconscious. Practicing the RAIN meditation above can give important perspective on why you are experiencing the Scaries. If they only occur occasionally, during periods of particular stress, you might recognise that although they aren’t pleasant, they are just passing, and you can choose some short-term remedies that work for you. If they are a regular, even weekly, experience, however, you may want to examine why. Perhaps levels of stress in your job are unsustainable, or you are simply trying to juggle too many responsibilities in life. Perhaps working on your boundaries will improve difficult relationships. While some things can be difficult to change or remove from our lives, it’s always worth exploring what we can change for the better – and our long-term wellbeing.

5.           Shake them off
Yep, be like Taylor Swift! When we get the Scaries we can end up lollipopping – getting all up in our heads, where those fears and anxieties will carry on swirling faster and faster – maybe even getting in the way of a good night’s sleep when we go to bed. Our bodies are more or less forgotten when we’re in this state, but they can play a powerful role in restoring our sense of wellbeing. Get up and active, and you’ll start producing natural ‘feelgood’ hormones like dopamine, serotonin and endorphins that will help balance you out and feel naturally more in control.

So those are my top five tips for beating the Sunday Scaries – how will you enjoy your Sundays from now on?
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